Research is a lot like Painting a Room in a House…Funny Story
Don’t believe me continue reading.
This is an example of Pain, Suffering, and Sweet Relief. Yes! Newsflash, this is not like taxes, you are not exempt! At the very least you can expect to go through relatively similar phases. WE ALL HAVE!
Phase 1: Prepare
Painting
You start clearing the room in the middle of it you begin to ask yourself … Do I really need these wall photo collages dating back to 7th grade, the broken Ikea shelf in the corner, and pair of old rollerblades in my closet and of course there is only one obvious answer: “Yes, yes I do”.
You tape things. You cover things. You clean walls. You think, “Wait, wasn’t I here to paint?”
Hell no, not yet at least!
Congrats, you’re in the ‘make everything look worse before it looks better’ phase. I would hate to be where you are!
Dissertation
You dive into the literature review, get buried under a PDF avalanche, and you are 3/4 way through and stop writing, panic settles in. Is my idea plausible? Perhaps you already know it is, you may ask yourself, is it even a remotely original idea or unique enough to spend a year and some change working on.
This is where you learn that “preparation” means 31 tabs open at once, a broken printer, and a minor existential crisis.
Rest assured! We have all been there!
Both start with a tornado of prep, and you wonder… Why didn’t I just settle for becoming a hipster barista.
Phase 2: Prep
Painting
Haha, time is laughing in your face. You think I only spent 4.5 hours reminiscing on the past thanks to an old high school yearbook and a few, (13 but who’s counting), Google Searches later.
Now you begin to patch the holey walls, perhaps created from overestimating the distance between the doorknob and the wall, or that shelf you had to align precisely. The only thing was, you had no tape measure or level at the time. You had something better or so you thought at the time; two screws and a dream.
Sanding the walls: dust begins to cover your soul, next you manage to prime the wall and become excited ah yes! It is beginning to look like something.
On second thought, no, no, the wall is just beige with commitment issues.
Dissertation
Hooray!! You’re testing theories, designing your methods. S#$% my survey has a rather embarrassing typo. No big deal I can fix it. WTF It’s been sent out to 97 participants, yikes!
Bad news: Your research isn’t ready for the spotlight just yet, that’s ok, you’re busy smoothing out the flaws and remain hopeful it might just survive a peer review.
Words to live by: #staypositive. Try not to be so hard on yourself!
It feels like I’ve done a crapload of work, but visible progress is still zilch. Stay strong my friend or at least caffeinated.
Phase 3: Selection
Painting
You drive to your local hardware store. Afterall, this is a life-changing decision you will have to live with for potentially a decade.
You tell the sales associate you want to go with white. He informs you there are 28 shades of white we have available. You repeat your statement as by some madness, you suspect he did not comprehend the simple request. The store associate unoffended immediately provided a brochure with color codes.
Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. You begin to contemplate a serious life decision. Do I go with “Eggshell”, “French Vanilla”, or “Cloud Mist”. They all look identical under the fluorescent store lighting. They all look identical, until they don’t.
You pick a color and commit. It’s terrifying.
Dissertation
Woot, Woot. You narrow your topic, define your variables, and start to see where it’s going. This is where things feel almost exciting.
Keyword being “almost”. Then your lapse of memory distances like B.I.G. said, “It was all a dream”. You remember you have to justify your theoretical framework. In APA. With references. Son 0f a….
One thing is Guaranteed: You will question your decision later.
You have a world of choices, so many choices. Guess what, most of them are wrong! You begin to realize it’s a numbers game and do not become personally invested. Like Tinder just keep swiping right and hope for the best one to match.
Phase 4: Gather
Painting
It’s go time! You’re feeling ready! You’re gathering all the tools you never considered you would need. (e.g., a drop cloth, trays, rollers, brushes, blue painter’s tape, ladder and the series of emotional support snacks.
You feel a slight sense of pride. Your inner voice reinforces the idea “I’ve watched a few YOUTUBE tutorials, I’m an expert.”
You leave the store with empty pockets the grand total was $189.53. Your Ego is inflated you now carry a lexicon of working knowledge regarding painting as the average Home Depot Employee.
Overconfidence much? Yes!
Dissertation
Citation managers, spreadsheets, and loads of coffee. You have your equipment.
Seven open Word documents are open all of which are labeled “FINAL_Final_UseThisOne_FORREAL.docx.”
You are now 10x more fluent in using Adobe Pdf than you ever imagined you would need to be.
I hope my IRB approval is smooth.
You’ve invested in your toolbox. Whether that toolbox includes a roller, bottle of Tequilla, or Excedrin, that’s entirely up to you.
Phase 5: Now, I’m ready!
Painting
Your heart is jumping for joy. This is it! You feel good. You’re productive. You roll paint on the wall in a joyful “W” shape just because you can.
Wall 2: the task is becoming quite boring.
Wall 3: Your arm hurts and is getting tired
Wall 4: You begin to question if the shade is more yellowish than white
Looking good, it needs a second coat. At this point you are practicing your own version of Primal Scream Therapy.
Hey, it’s not done yet, but it’s visible progress.
Dissertation
You write your Intro,
Then rewrite your intro.
Your word count goes up, then down.
You hit a groove. Then you hate it.
You spend 30 minutes revising a single sentence because “contextualize” doesn’t sound academic enough.
You may not be the next, Twain or Dostoyevsky, but you’re a writer now!
If you were a part of the Marvel Universe, you would be in the End Game right now. You’re in the thick of it. You hate everything about this process but for some reason beyond you, you refuse to stop. You’re too far in, too stubborn to quit now, and managed to accrue 6 figures in student loans.
Phase 6: Complete…JK
Painting
You peel off the painter’s tape and get that crisp line. Perfect. Chef’s kiss.
You clean the brushes.
You step back and admire your work… only to spot a drip you missed two hours ago.
What do I do now? You ponder.
Dissertation
You edit like a machine.
You check all citations.
Hooray! You finally found that one source from 2017 that was missing for 3 weeks.
You correct any obvious typos and pray your chair has mercy on your work.
Time to send your paper for final edits, and you think: Yes, I am Done!
You’re done. Kind of. But it’s never really done, is it? You just stop touching it before you break something.
Phase 7: I’m Done, now what?
Painting
You did it. You wait 24 hours. You move the furniture back and feel triumphant.
And then you realize… the hallway looks terrible now.
On to the next room.
Dissertation
You submit. You cry. You nap. You await feedback.
You receive the anticlimactic email. It has finally been accepted! Reality settles in, “Wait, I am done, done!”
You can scream from a mountain top, no mountaintop, wait, but you do have a LinkedIn!
You celebrate… until someone asks: “Are you publishing this?”
Painting a room and writing a dissertation are both thankless marathons of tedium, tiny victories, and unexpected life lessons. You go in thinking it’ll be quick and easy. By the end, you’re just proud you didn’t burn the whole thing down.
And yet… you finish. You admire the result.
Then you sigh, crack your back, and utter
“What’s next? Bring it on.”. You’re ready to take on the world!
Comment Below:
- A. Where are you in your research?
- B. Assuming you completed your Dissertation. Which section was most relatable?